You know when you’re alone in your car and you’re listening to a song. Like, really listening to it. Sometimes you listen to it so much that you forget that other people could be watching you from the next car over. Or you are so into the song that tears actually form in your eyes. Anyone? God I hope some of you know what I’m talking about here…

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Anyways, my point is that I was having such a moment in my car yesterday listening to a song (that I had to look up because I didn’t know who sang it) entitled Secrets by Mary Lambert. I don’t particularly like the song but I love the message. She was basically listing all of her secrets and the bridge went:

They tell us from the time we’re young
To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I’m over it

Then the chorus:

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what

This got me thinking about secrets. We all have them. I certainly do. Although I try to be as honest as I can on this blog, I am inevitably guarded and aware that there are more than 5 people reading this. How freeing it must be to just put all your secrets out there and genuinely not care what others think. Verse:

I’ve got bi-polar disorder
My shit’s not in order
I’m overweight
I’m always late
I’ve got too many things to say

I am so not there. I know that I care what people think. I tell myself I don’t (particularly when I get negative Anonymous comments) but I do. I think you grow a tougher skin as you get older but insecurities are a hard thing to shake off aren’t they? It’s something that I am really trying to work on because it was almost paralyzing for a good part of my life; trying to be in everyone’s good books. What a waste of energy. The more I’m honest about my quirks, the more I learn to have a sense of humor about them (as opposed to shame). It’s way more productive.

On that note, some of my secrets:

I listen to a lot of Top 40 music. I probably know the lyrics to most of the songs you hate.

My closet is a disaster. Like, balls of clothing piled on other balls of clothing.

People chewing gum loudly around me actually gives me serious anxiety. Sometimes I have to change seats or block my ears.

Since childhood, I’ve had this funny OCD thing where I scramble letters up in words and re-arrange them into 4 letter words. I am very good at Bananagrams and Scrabble.

I dealt with some postpartum stuff after giving birth to Theo and it’s something I still feel guilty about.

I don’t think I’ve missed a single episode of any of the Real Housewives shows. That’s probably hundreds of episodes of very trashy television.

All of my baseboards have dust on them at the moment. All of them.

 

Well I feel better.

(I invite you to share your secrets in the comments section. I won’t tell anyone.)

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