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Over the last year I've worked on some really fantastic projects alongside people I truly admire and respect. Professionally, I've developed confidence in my abilities and a greater sense of direction. At the same time, I feel like I still have so much to learn. That's what makes putting the brakes on my career so challenging. I continuously question myself. Will I be relevant when I return? Will I even want to return? What if, on the other hand, I hate being at home? Will I remember how to do my job?
I'm definitely struggling with feelings of guilt about leaving my job for a full year. At the same time, I absolutely want to be 100% present in my child's first year of life. So I'm having to give myself a lot of pep talks about shifting priorities and standing by my decisions. Making the decision to stop working is a very personal one (I just feel lucky to even have this as an option!). Ultimately, you don't know how much your life will change or how you'll feel about being a stay-at-home mom or working mom until you give it a shot! I know that I'll have to be patient as I try to figure out what balancing act works for me.
I would love to hear about your own experience/feelings on this topic. Did you take your full mat leave? Do you wish you'd taken more time to stay at home or did you end up returning to work earlier than expected?
15 comments:
My last day of work was 21 Aug. I went into labour that night (two weeks early). My daughter was born on 23 Aug. I went back to work on 01 June, and my boyfriend stayed home until the end of August. Most people think I'm nuts that I gave him so much of the time. Sometimes I think I was too. However, I love my job and wanted to get back into it. It was hard going back, because you realize that, despite the love, everybody is replaceable and the place moves on without you. I thought I would be distracted and emotional, but I was actually very focused and interested. Love the time off, and enjoy yourself as much as possible. And, Marie-Eve, I have been wanting to say but don't want to be the rain on the parade, that motherhood is hard. Very, very hard. So if you feel like it is too much, and you're going crazy, and you need help, it's okay, it's normal. You have such a circle of love around you. Don't hesitate to be honest with these people when you need a break, when you need a nap, when you need help. No judgement, do what is right for you and your family. You're going to be awesome, so awesome. Lucky little boy.
I must say that I'm extremely jealous of the amount of maternity leave that you have. I'll have 6 weeks and then have to get back to the office as my husband and I can't afford for me to go unpaid for an extra 6 weeks beyond that - we're planning a move. I have a feeling it's going to be tremendously hard to leave baby so soon, but much easier to get back to work after only being gone for such a short period.
Yep took the full year. Don't regret it for a second. Work was all there when I came back..the first few months of figuring it out weren't exactly fun...but after a few months you find your groove. the changes when you go back are exhilierating & daunting all at the same time..
Hello,
My maternity leave (1 year) will end next week but I have decided to take an extra 6 months (we have the money to do it but I know that it is not the case of most families). And the more I think about it the more I don't want to go back full time after those 18 months with Alice. I don't want her to be 10 hours a day in a day care and I would only see her 2 hours a day. I honestly didn't know I would feel that way when I got pregnant since I was pretty work oriented! Each woman exeriences maternity differently so just do what feels good for you and your family :)
On a side note, yes, maternity is, well, I would not say hard but mostly life changing. Maternity is what you do with it...even with it is very challenging. Having a baby is a huge "don de soi" but always stay positive (I'm a avery positive person) and get help when it is necessary (people are so nice and they love moms and babies!!!). Maternity is awesome...as long as you realized that things are going to be a bit different.
Super interesting post! I applaud you for your honest discussion. What a difficult decision to make. Time off to spend with a new child is awesome, but putting the career on hold is definitely a sacrifice. Something that really does effect women's career trajectories, and the impact is greater when the leave period is extended to a full year. Are you able to split the parental leave with your husband? I'm not sure what the rules are in Quebec, I live in BC.
I think that when I have a baby I will split the parental leave time with my partner. My reasoning for is that, like you, I totally value being present for the first year, I think this is so important. I don't think the person present must be me, but it must be either me or my boyfriend. Both of us have worked so hard at our careers and I don't think it would feel fair for one of us to take all of the time off.
FYI: Your blog is awesome!
I am insanely jealous of the Canadian maternity system... I thought my 12 unpaid weeks would be just fine—then at 13wks we found out it was twins... now I feel like 12wks with them is not enough and also that I need to get back to work ASAP because we didn't plan on 2 babies. Losing my income for 3 months is going to be rough but it is the only way we can deal with doubling our family size in 1 fell swoop.
I took full leave for my 2 children, and wish I didn't have to go back to work. The year just flies by so incredibly fast and the little ones grow up so quickly too, you just want to suck in every little minute of their baby year. Becoming a mother will probably change your perspective on life and your priorities. But it will probably also make you happier and more in love than you have ever been. For most people I know, when you finally go back to work, it almost feels like you never left.
Hi again,
You may have seen this article already. If not, for me, it is the truest thing that I've read on the experience of being a parent. Her words gave me perspective and joy and hope.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
oooh, i am so excited for you! i have been reading your blog for a while now, enjoying your honesty and inspirations :)
i actually quit my job when i had my son, Rex. It wasn't a career by any means and made no sense to pay for childcare to work there. after a few months, though.. i found myself in need of my own responsibility outside of the home. i now work one day a week and its working well for me. Rex is 11 months now.. so I can safely tell you that the first year FLIES by! I think you'll be grateful to spend so much time with your new child, as well as having the time to focus on the new role you are playing. it took me a long while to feel more settled into the role of "motherhood" and i think it definitely helped that i didn't have to add any more stress onto it.
I think you've made the right decision about taking the time off. No need to feel guilty.. work will always be there but your baby will only be a baby for so long. You will quickly see how much your priorities change when the little man arrives.
SO much love to you. :)
Tomorrow will also be my last day at work and I will say goodbye to my colleagues for also a whole year.
I don't feel bad about about, although I will miss my job.
When my first child was born I only took off 8 month and though she was doing great at daycare I struggled quite a bit to handle baby and 40 hours week. My daughter loved the daycare lady and in the beginning I felt really jealousy that she cold spent so much time with her and I had to go working. But as soon as we got used to the situation I adjusted and enjoyed being back at work and active and was rather happy that my daughter enjoyed her daytime.
Now for my second one I will take the full year. But I am thinking also I will take that time off for me. I am planning to work on some of my own projects, stuff I always wanted to do, or to learn or to try out and never had time. So I already know that this second one will go at least part time to daycare after 9 or 10 months.
It is very fulfilling to be a mother, but I can tell about myself I am not the type of being only a mother and not doing anything else, that would drive me crazy.
Fortunately my partner is also very involved in raising our little one. Having a baby is not just the mothers "job" you will do it as a family!
I am sure you will enjoy your time with your little boy and if you enjoyed your job you will also enjoy getting back to it.
I wish you all the best, for what ever option you go, just listen to yourself.
Marie-Eve don't look back. I took a year for both of my kids and though it feels like yesterday next year they will both be in high school! The years go quickly. When I had my 2nd I knew she would be our last and so I cherished every stage and moment. There is a reason why you get 12 months and you will realize that you really need them in terms of sleep, etc. Don't worry about your job, it will still be there. Besides, nothing will matter more than your child. Yes your life will change, but it will be beautiful and full of joy.
I took 1 yr with my daughter and (still going on) 17 mths with my son. So much changes happen in that first year, literally week by week. You'll never have that time again. Enjoy it and be so thankful that we live in Canada and get a year. You'll jump right back into work when you go back. Good luck :)
Dear Marie-Eve,
I am a loyal reader from Argentina, and we have a 12 week paid maternity leave here. I added to that 3 weeks of paid holidays... and truth be told: I was happy to get back to work. Being a full time mum and with very little help felt too much sometimes, and I loved the opportunity of being just "the normal me" for a few hours a day (I worked only 5 hours a day until my little boy turned 8 months, now I work 6 hours a day).
My situation is quite different from yours because my boy stays at home with his dad, and then a baby sitter takes care of him for 4 hours until I get back home, which is very near my work.
In my experience, it was great to be back at my job, and as I start work very early in the mornings I have the full afternoons with my little man. We go to swimming and music lessons together, and do a lot of fun stuff. He turned 1 year yesterday and he is definitely my number one priority, together with my hubby.
You will figure out what is best for you and your family... and at the end of the day, I think all of us are different and have different situations, so perhaps what was best for me is not as good for you.
I wish you the best of luck!
Love,
Tina
Thank you so much for sharing your personal stories. I loved reading your comments and will definitely be reading these again when I need a pep talk!
- Marie-Eve xo
I was exceptionally lucky in that my job allows me to work from home with extremely flexible hours. I started working straight away, more each week and now my son has two mornings per week at daycare so that I can have some proper work-focus time.
It certainly doesn't work with every type of job, and I should imagine that it depends enormously on the baby's character and feeding habits how much work you can actually get done.
All in all, I've had a really positive experience throughout these 8 months, and I feel unbelievably lucky to have had the opportunity to make my job fit around spending every day with my gorgeous boy.
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